Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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