If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
