Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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