just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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