I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
