I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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