Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize