If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
