Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
