I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
NoShamevember. You game?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
