mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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