Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
