what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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