all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The uberlube is also flammable
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
