i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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