The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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