you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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