Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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