i think i have two assholes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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