And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize