I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
