You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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