did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
