Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
