I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
