I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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