I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
