Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
