I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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