just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So here I am, sexting at work.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
