Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
