She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
