The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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