she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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