I wish I could punch you in the face.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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