have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
