Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
