I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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