So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
