I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
