just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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