i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
