Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
