my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
