is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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