Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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