I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
