Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
