Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
