i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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