She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
