it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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