also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
