It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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