dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
