just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
