I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize