There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
