OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
