i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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