oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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