i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
