the condom got lost in my hair
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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