The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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