If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize