dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
